#and since i didn't actually wanted to start uni right away because i didn't know what i wanted to do

[all4yoi]

𝒥ust a bet﹕hyung line

𝑒nhypen x fem!reader ︎︎⚹︎ cw: angst, no fluff (yet), reader is mostly viewed as a loser and nerd, lowercase intended, kinda went overboard with hoon's, reader gets called a bitch once, not proofread!

sypnosis﹕after a few months of dating, you find out you were just a bet.

part two !

★ LEE HEESEUNG (wc 0.3k)

you and lee heeseung has been dating for a total of five months, and throughout those months you can confidently say that you were the happiest. he was the perfect boyfriend, his family loved you and so did yours.

today, heeseung promised he would take you on a date after his basketball practice despite your protests on how he should be resting instead. you wouldn't have agreed if it weren't for the fact that he had shot you with his pleading big doe eyes that never fails to make you agree on whatever he asks for. 

so here you were, making your way towards the gymnasium with your bag hanging on your left shoulder. the lack of dribbling and smacking basketball noise from behind the closed doors told you that their practice was done.

entering quietly out of habit, you were about to approach your boyfriend when you overheard his teammates talking to him.

"don't tell me you're still with her?" asked one of boys, an amused smile on his face. heeseung only raised a brow.

"what? you won the bet, you can dump her now. you're ruining our image you know? plus she's a total nerd and loser, you're much better with someone like yunhee." and with only just a few words, you felt your world crashing down.

right, who would date someone like you? you always found it weird, that heeseung just approached you one day in your biology class with the cheekiest smile on his face. the fact that he wouldn't leave you alone until you've agreed to go on a date with him. it all made sense now, why the popular basketball captain suddenly gained interest on the school's "biggest nerd."

"speaking of.." another guy spoke, nodding towards you with a cheeky smile. heeseung turned around only to be met with your glassy eyes.

you didn't move, wanting to hear him defend you. wanting to tell his teammates that you weren't a bet and he actually liked you throughout the months you two have been dating.

his silence said everything and with that you turned away and ran out of the gym.

"shit." he muttered, running after you.

★ PARK JONGSEONG (wc 0.3k)

"i'll pick you up later, okay?" your boyfriend of almost a year said softly through the phone. you've been dating jay since the first week of your first year in uni, others found your relationship weird. maybe because back in high school, jay never and refused to even spare you a glance. he was an asshole who looked at you as if you were the epitome of disgusting.

but the past is in the past now, right?

"okay baby, see you." you reply and put your phone down on your table, knowing that he's usually the one who ends the call.

you go back to the papers scattered on your table. the silence in your room was disturbed by sudden noises in your phone, turning to look, you see that jay hasn't ended the call.

picking your phone up with a smile, you were about to call out for him but a voice stopped you.

"i can't believe you've gone this far dude." you recognized the slightly muffled voice, it was a friend of jongseong's.

"what do you mean?" your boyfriend grumbled. the audio was muffled, you figured he was moving and the phone was in his pocket.

"you're still dating her!" the voice exclaimed, as if amused. "seriously, i didn't think you'd take that bet seriously. fine you win, i'll clean your car for a month. but you've gotta cut it out, you're starting to disgust me." the boy laughed.

before you could hear what your boyfriend would say, you ended the call. your hand was trembling and tears were falling from your eyes unconsciously.

were all those months just a joke to him? were your feelings really worth a free car wash for just a month? were you that unworthy?

jay was an asshole back in high school, you thought he changed. turns out he didn't, you felt like a fool for falling for his antics.

★ SIM JAEYUN (wc 0.3k)

if someone would be asked who you were, they'd all say the same thing. a loner, pathetic loser, and a nobody with a pretty face.

because what was a pretty face if you had no friends and a social life?

you almost believed you would die alone, you were too socially awkward to make friends. so when sim jaeyun, the transferee, approached you with a warm smile and a hand outstretched for a shake, you were beyond shocked.

your relationship went from being block mates, friends, then next thing you knew you two were dating. at first you were reluctant to enter a relationship, scared that it would ruin your friendship, but he insisted you both tried. that was three months ago.

you didn't have any friends, but atleast you had jake.

jake who smiles at you as if you had carved the stars in your hands. jake who would never forget to bring your coffee every morning. he was everything you ever needed. he was it for you, you only hoped he felt the same towards you.

walking through the hallway of the school, you stopped infront of your locker only to be met with a sticky note on it.

HOW LONG CAN JAKE LAST WITH LOSER L/N?

A WEEK : 卌 - 卌 - 卌 - 卌 - III

FIVE MONTHS : 卌 - I

A YEAR : II

Furrowing your brows, you stare at the note as your breathing grew heavy. It was obvious that the paper was old, it had folds and it was only stuck on your locker with a washi tape.

"what are you doing l/n? go on, cast your vote." a mocking voice said from beside you followed by a bunch of laughter. "personally, i thought he'd last a day. i guess i'll vote for five months then." then the hand went and tallied on the five months category.

"what's going on here?" upon hearing your boyfriend's voice, you fled away immediately, not wanting to face him. everytime something good happens in your life, it's always ripped away from you. jake was just like them, you were just a toy for their own entertainment.

★ PARK SUNGHOON (wc 0.5k)

"i'm sorry baby, i really am busy with practice tomorrow." your boyfriend, sunghoon, says in genuine sorry. it was the fifth time you have asked him to meet your parents, who also by the way was so desperate to meet the boy you've been dating for seven months now.

every time you ask him, he's always busy. either with practice, a project, a family matter, or whatever excuse he can come up with. but you always brush it off, knowing he means well and he really is busy as he's an athlete student.

"i'll meet them next week, okay? i promise." that's also the same thing he says everytime too, and once again, you only nod in response.

you and sunghoon met in a physics class. he was clutching his head with a frown on his face as he desperately tried to understand what the professor was going on about.

you remember clearly the way he approached you in the library, a physics book on his left hand as his right scratched his nape. "can.. i noticed- uh, can you help me with this topic?"

that was where your relationship started. you tutored him and helped him improve his grade. when he got an A on the finals, he kissed you on the lips in glee. he was taken aback by his own actions but nevertheless asked you out after.

"i love you," he whispers, pressing a kiss on your temple. "let me get something from my room." you hum in response as he takes his arm that was previously wrapped around you before going up to his room.

you can't help but notice the way his phone was blowing up from beside you.

you weren't the type to snoop around other people's phones, especially your boyfriend. it just felt wrong, you trusted him fully. but the way it kept ringing with text notifications, you just couldn't help it.

looking back to the stairs, you note he isn't back and there was still rummaging noises from his room.

taking his phone, you enter his passcode and read the messages from one of his group chats.

JONGSU

lol don't tell me she asked again.. em ba rrah sing

DAEHYUN

hahah when is she gonna take a hint?? 💀

JOON

you gonna blame her? hoon's been at it for months lmao

DAEHYUN

i actually can't believe he went that far, wasn't it only supposed to be for a month? 🗿

JONGSU

a week actually, but ig that bitch y/n was so easy. yk hoon likes to get his ego fed 💀💀

putting the phone down, you exhaled in disbelief. you took your bag from the floor and threw it over your shoulder and went to the door of his apartment to put your shoes back on.

"baby?" sunghoon emerged from the stairs, looking at you curiously. "you're going already?" he asked, extending an arm towards you but you slapped it away. the tears on your eyes shocking him.

"hey, hey what's wrong?" he tried again but his hand was yet again slapped away.

"i don't want to see you ever again." was the last words you uttered to him (shakily) before leaving his apartment.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I hand out a couple of high scores & have qualms about pairs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. I didn't get many screen shots this week, so welcome to a WALL OF TEXT. Duh duh duh dum.

July 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 16 fin - TanFang are ridiculous but I have grown to truly love them. ChainPun at the end made me hoot with laughter everyone was a meme of FINALLY. In fact, I loved all the pairs, this was a great ensemble piece.

I was left mildly wondering if Arm will ever lead a BL. 

All in all? 

I really enjoyed this show. It was slow to find its stride (I didn’t get into it until ep 7) but I’m very glad I gave it a chance. It’s a soft ensemble piece with multiple couples and very little plot, but I didn’t care because it’s not trying to be anything more substantial. Essentially this was a series of vignettes covering one year of uni for a queer friendship group finding love, new friends, and laughter. It’s not being harsh with us or it’s characters the way some offerings of this ilk have been (side eyes Friend Zone and Only Friends) nor did it tumble into Gen Y chaos. In fact, this reminded me more than anything of a refined and elevated Love Sick - just with older characters and occurring within a genre that has matured too. It has that close queer friendship group meets earnest gentleness that made me adore Love Sick so much. In other words, this was Thai BL at its finest, finding it roots again 10 years on, but also stretching upwards and showing us what it could do with that original seed. So? I loved it. Did it blow my mind? No. But it left me smiling and made me belly laugh quite a bit. 9/10

Technically it should probably get an 8/10 - too much singing, but I’m bubbling over with nostalgia rn.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - I struggled to watch that fight. But that’s because it was so well done for a BL. Lots of speeches this ep. (I said too cheesy right before Dee did.)

I like Drake & Title as a new ship. Hope it sails. Also some decent ace rep. 

On a totally different note: Good use of frosting. But… you know I’m gonna say it… NO SINGING. 

Final thoughts:

What a FUN show. A charming quintessentially modern Thai BL about a doctor and a boxer who start as a one night stand and then fall in love. Great rep for everything from Muay Thai, to safe sex, to FUN sex, to ace, to bisexuality, to smiley kisses, to the first legal gay wedding in a Thai BL. It’s a delight and I enjoyed (almost) every single moment of it. 

An easy 9/10. 

I do hope we get more GreatInn.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - So Ryu’s ma is evil? And Frank is giving me serious second lead syndrome. Also he’s been working out a lot. I noticed my dude, thank you. I don't think we've ever gotten this kind of focus on a side dish before. The show is in dangerous territory, since he's so good he's taking attention away from the leads. Also, I think Zen is completely aware of what is going on with this love triangle, he just doesn’t want to put up with their nonsense. I even like the cute side crumbs. 

On a complete aside: why are crime lords in BL always in bathtubs? Asking for… the other genres. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if The Godfather entirely took place in bathtubs? A Real Man has a large… tub. 

And we end with mass murder? WOW! Chaotically played my dearest pulp! 

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 3-4 of 10 - These boys are playing complicated roles with lots of layers to them. Daou is doing a great job. We can see the old man inside this kid. Offroad... I’m not convinced, he’s chewing the scenery a bit. I actually think he has the more layered and complicated part to play. So I'm giving him a chance to subtly show that cheerful façade fracturing with delicacy. But I worry we may be back in JamFilm territory where one partner can’t quite keep up with the other's skillz.

All of this is to say, this is still a better acted piece than I was expecting. (Although the surrounding cast and special effects are doing our leads no particular favors.)

It’s hugely enjoyable but uneven (with those occasional injections of slapstick humor) I’m not entirely sure the production knows what it wants to be. I wish it had the courage of its convictions to lean into the “I feel you linger in the air” aesthetic. Now that I know Thailand can go there, I’m a bit annoyed when a show like this, which should, doesn’t. Which is not to say I’m not enjoying it. I am. A lot. Just that I should probably lower my expectations. Daou, however, is so damn good, he keeps getting my hopes up.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - Oh no we have a lonely poor little rich boy. Catnip character for @heretherebedork. Meanwhile, I’m liking the layers of the main romance, with everybody having hidden agendas and such. Nice tension. Of course I love the eroticism around smells. One of my favorite tropes. But I’m not sure I buy the relationship chemistry between the leads when this much lying is going on. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I am growing to love Fourth's version of this character. He’s so frantic and confused, but in a completely different way from the JBL. It’s a bit more whiny and a bit less cartoonish. But it resonates with me more. He's less of a meme tho. The photo moment! I literally squealed, "Gah!!! They are so cute!"

Linguistic moment. Did you hear in the cupcake section that Half went to rao/ter? Very sweet. (The boys use rao/nai.)

Also, yay for the twist on the school counselor character! Best thing ever. I would like the entire story of Nop & Sin GMMTV, please and thank you. Also… NO SINGING. 

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I’m continuing to enjoy this a lot. It’s a fun cast. A touch twee for me, and I’m really hoping they amp up something other than the romance soon, but I don't mind ending my week with these two.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - I'm enjoying this show so much, just not as a BL (yet). It’s honest to the internship experience of overwhelm (such as I recall, it's been A WHILE). I’m not sure how much BL I’m getting from it thus far. I mean our leads shared a long glance or two but that’s about it. It’s very slow burn. But I don’t mind that since I’m liking the surrounding stuff. Can't stand the girlfriend intern character tho. I hope she get redeemed.  Or killed.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - Halfway through I had already finished my drink out of sheer boredom.  Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Frankly I’m finding this relatively dull right now. Lovely kisses tho. Best and Seng are great together, consummate BL pros, not a pair I had on my bingo card. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like how much we can see K’s intense liking and emotional need for this loud broken kid. And how easy it is for him to admit to that truth. Because what he’s going through is so much worse than admitting to having feelings. The acting is fantastic. Sometimes I forget how great Japan can be. And then they decide to remind me. Oh, it’s SO GOOD. 

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Another one I’m finding boring. Just japan’s version. The vintage yaoi “old dude creep trope” I see. It’s been a while. 

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

GIF by mypotatokun

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases Still To Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds Gaga) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save him.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great, a rich boy studying business at uni, suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return, and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: the premise? Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

No time this week, I'm having computer issues.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[farity]

Devil in the Details

"Oh. My. Motherfucking. God."

You turned at your friend Floris's whispered exclamation.

It took you but a second to figure out what she was so excited about.

Aemond Targaryen, the black sheep of the Targaryen dynasty, the reclusive billionaire who looked down at everyone vying for his attention, the man you'd been in lust with since you'd met him five years ago, had actually made an appearance at the glittering charity gala hosted by his mother.

"I need to get his skin care routine," Floris said, biting on her lower lip as she scrutinized Aemond from head to toe. "I'd love to climb that tree tonight."

Good luck with that, you thought to yourself.

You'd been in the same Uni class as his sister Helaena and met Aemond when you'd gone over to work on a joint project. He'd been quiet and almost shy, and you had been instantly smitten.

And had not been able to date anyone in the five years since because all you thought about was Aemond Targaryen.

Not that he gave you a second thought, as far as you knew.

"What the fuck is he wearing?" Floris continued, and, tired of pining after the man, you looked at her and snapped, "why don't you go find out?" before walking away to get your drink refilled.

* * * * *

"We are so very thankful for your family's contribution - the children will benefit greatly," Alicent smiled at you, leaning in to air-kiss you as you said your goodbyes.

You got your coat from the girl at the front, and were about to call for your car when you felt a hand grab your arm.

"Leaving already?"

Your heart began pounding as you recognized Aemond's voice, and taking a breath to steady yourself, you turned to face him.

By the Seven, he looked amazing. He'd shaved off his hair a few months ago when Aegon had done the same after having one too many drinks. Alicent had screamed at her oldest son and out of brotherly solidarity, Aemond had grabbed the electric shaver and started running it along his scalp right in front of his mother.

His eyes bore into yours, the prosthetic eye he had so perfect that you couldn't tell which eye was the real one. Every time you thought about it, you wanted to wallop his cousin, the little shit who had taken Aemond's eye during a childhood fight.

"I've seen enough people to last me a few months," you said, looking at what was, indeed, damn perfect skin, as Floris had mentioned. And was that eyeliner? Because his eyes had never been bluer than they were at that moment.

"Tell me about it," he said, still holding on to your arm, "I was going to grab a drink at the quiet bar next door, if you're game."

There was something vulnerable in his expression and you found yourself nodding and taking the arm he offered. "What in the world are these?" you asked.

He looked down at the latex gloves. "Mother's been berating me for not making an appearance at these things," he shrugged, "so here I am. Maybe she should have specified a dress code."

* * * * *

"You know, there's a name for what you're doing," you said, taking a sip of your drink.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Malicious compliance."

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that would be me." He looked back up at you, eyes sparkling, "if she'd wanted me to wear a tux, she should have said so."

"Would you have, though?" you prodded, "I have a feeling you would have figured some way to twist that dress code around. You were always the clever one."

"Not so clever if I never got you to go out with me."

You stared at him for a few seconds. "Aemond, you never asked."

"I'm asking now."

He placed a few bills on the table and placed his hand palm up on the table.

You narrowed your eyes at him, making him laugh, and then placed your hands on his, and let him lead you out the door.

* * * * *

"How is Helaena liking Naath?"

"She loves it there. She has to get her shot every six months but she doesn't care, as long as she can keep studying the butterflies."

"And Aegon?"

"He stopped drinking after he shaved off his head, said it didn't suit his perfectly shaped skull."

You laughed, remembering Aegon's rather oversized ego, and then stole a glance at Aemond. "What about you? How have you been?"

He shrugged, "the company is doing well, family's good," he looked at you, "and I'm on a wonderful date."

You raised your eyebrows, "oh it's a date, is it?"

You could have sworn he blushed, but he lifted your hand to his lips and kissed the back. "It very much is, but I do have a problem." He looked at you very seriously. "I need to lose these damn gloves."

* * * * *

It took about twenty minutes of careful tugging and maneuvering but finally, Aemond was free of the gloves and while you got two coffees to keep you going, he headed to the bathroom to wash his arms.

Back on the street, he grabbed your hand in his as he sipped at his coffee. "This is much better."

"So where on earth does one get this sort of getup to shock Alicent Hightower?"

He smiled. "My friend is a stylist and he hooked me up. His girlfriend is a makeup artist and she put all this stuff on my face and hair."

"You look amazing," you said sincerely, "your eyes look super blue."

"I could feel mom's blood pressure spiking as she noticed the eyeliner and highlighter," he laughed. "It was worth it."

"I bet she'll say extra prayers for you tonight."

Nodding, he took another sip of his coffee. "Not enough prayers in the world," he mused. You stopped to drink some of your own coffee and he pulled you closer. "And I really want to kiss you."

You looked up at him, your heart beating faster, and then he placed his coffee cup down, and took your face in his hands. He brushed his nose against yours, not rushing you, and then his lips touched yours. He kept the kiss light and gentle, his fingertips threading through your hair as you sighed against him.

He murmured your name as he wrapped an arm around you. You didn't want this to end, this magical night, and then he spoke again.

"Come home with me."

* * * * *

"You feel so damn good," Aemond whispered in the lift, his hands on your hips as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

The car stopped and the doors opened, and you stepped into his loft, his hands roaming over your ass as you kicked off your shoes and let him pull you up against him.

"I want you so fucking much," you said against his mouth. He led you to his bedroom and you sat down on the edge of the bed as he pulled his shirt off over his head. "Come here, Aemond," you smiled.

He walked up to you, slowly, and you reached up to undo the fastenings on his leather trousers, keeping your eyes on him. Your hand lightly went over where he was already hard as a rock, and he hissed.

You drew down the zipper ever so slowly, biting down on your lower lip.

"I am going to make you pay for this," he gritted out.

"For what?" you asked innocently, starting to tug down the waistband. When you finally freed him, your eyes darting between his cock and his eyes, you licked your lips and took him in your mouth.

"Fuck."

"Hmmmm," you moaned around him, relaxing your throat so you could take him deeper. You could hear Aemond's breathing stuttering as you slowly pulled your lips all the way to the very tip of him and then took him back down your throat, hollowing out your cheeks.

"Fuck," he repeated, "I, uh, I can't-"

You felt him suddenly pull you off him and push you back on the bed.

"This is going to end too quickly if you keep doing that, angel."

"Angel?"

"Look at you," he said, indicating your white shimmery gown. "An angel about to be debauched."

You let one strap of the dress fall off your shoulder. "What does that make you, then?"

He lunged for you, hands on the bed on either side of you, and the smile on his face made you shiver.

"Me? I'm already destined for hell, love."

He took your lips, not slowly or gently this time, but desperately, his mouth all consuming on yours as he demanded entrance with his tongue and you willingly gave it. He was tugging down your dress as he kissed you, long fingers deftly maneuvering the yards of fabric until he had bared your breasts and then he pulled back, looking down at you.

You pushed the rest of the dress down until it fell on the floor, then laid back down and extended your arms to him. "Come here, Aemond," you said for the second time that night.

He shoved down the trousers, kicked them aside and spread your legs open before he kissed you again. He was so warm, his skin ablaze against yours, and you pulled him down to you, unable to get enough of him.

He began to kiss your neck, long fingers teasing your nipple, and then his mouth was on your breast and you moaned, the sharp sting of pleasure making you arch against him. He reached down lower, between your thighs, and you gasped.

"Tell me what you like," he murmured against your lips.

"Oh," you breathed as he settled on a steady rhythm, drawing tiny circles on the knot of nerves, "you're doing fine," you managed.

"Fine is not what I'm aiming for," he said, and slipped two fingers inside you and you cried out, your hips beginning to rock against him. "I want you to come for me," he added, curling his fingertips inside you.

"Aemond," you whispered, one hand on his shoulder, the other grabbing at his hair. "I- I'm-" you pressed your face to his neck a moment before the orgasm barreled through you, your cry muffled against his skin.

You felt him kneeing your legs apart and then he was pushing inside you. As ready as you were for him, he was big, and you bit down on your lower lip, still recovering and still wanting more.

"You can take me," he murmured soothingly as he kissed your temple. "Next time you come, I want to feel it around my cock," he said, and you whimpered as he rocked his hips to fill you completely.

He pulled back slowly, eyes on you, making sure you were okay, and then snapped his hips. You let your head fall back, and felt his teeth on your jaw, raking gently. "So good," he whispered, "I've wanted you for so long," he said as he settled on long, slow strokes. "So fucking long."

"Aemond," you closed your eyes, the feeling of him moving inside you beginning to send you back into that delicious spiral.

He reached between you, fingertips finding you and you moaned. "I can feel you," he said, "you-"

You cried out as you came, and felt him grab your hips to steady himself as he reached his own orgasm.

* * * * *

As reserved and aloof as you had always thought him to be, he hadn't stopped kissing and caressing you in the aftermath of your lovemaking. The man was full of surprises.

"Stay with me," he murmured against your cheek. "Tonight."

"How can I go when you've got me completely caged in," you teased, looking down at the arms he had wrapped around you and the way his legs were tangled with yours.

"Damn, I was trying to be stealthy," he smirked back. "We'll get breakfast, maybe I'll let you lure me back to bed again."

You rolled your eyes at him. "Rewriting history, are we? I remember trying to leave and someone grabbing my arm."

His eyes became serious on yours. "If I could rewrite history, I would have grabbed you a lot sooner." He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on your lips. "But I mean to make up for it."

You smiled against him, and let him pull you closer, thinking you were only too happy to let him make it up to you for a long, long time.

[yunwangja]

undercurrents | yn’s council

masterlist

character descriptions !

y/n

after a failed relationship that traumatized her, she decided that fangirling is better than actually falling in love

her ex broke up with her saying they got “tired” of them and they’re not a match

she felt nothing but insecure in the relationship, her ex was always disappointed for her not “living up” to being a girlfriend

“you should be less demanding” or “you should be more ‘happy’ when we’re together” or “you’re too tense (said annoyingly)”

the final punch was “you’re not acting like a girlfriend”, and “you’re not cut out to being in a relationship”

since then, she’s coped by liking guys that are “out of her league”

she actually liked them anyway though

but never actually romantic !! always an admirable and happy crush

that’s why when she was invited to a volleyball match by samu, she noticed oikawa right away

but someone else found her interesting ;)

is not completely weird with tooru, she can be aggressive lol but in front of him, more of a shy fan

and tooru responds well (wholesomely) to yn

uni student

goes to yuu for diabolical plans

goes to yams for advice

goes to osamu if she needs a peptalk

osamu

calm, except for when he’s with his twin ,,, or stuck in a room with noya

more like a … yn handler

tolerates her; but he’s also the one who keeps her in check and makes sure she’s not going insane

in the first place he has no idea how people knew he had a twin because he never told that to a soul

as per his bio, tsumu is an extra character who pursued vball professionally and didn't go to univ (so diff from kuroo's team since they're all in univ as well)

former volleyball player but chose to go to univ after they graduated high school

good friends w bo since high school (but both got busy and spent some time apart when univ started)

always says yes to eating out for the food

especially when yams bakes cookies

sometimes he uses the lamest excuse to act “sad”

samu: it rained today… that’s depressing

yams: OKAY COOKIES FOR YOU (he knows, he just loves to bake for his friends)

yams

a very good friend of yn from her first day in uni

a yn protector at all times !!!!!!

he will not use violence but will instigate nishi into doing so

in this smau, he has no background of being a vball member

yn’s kindest adviser

would bake cookies whenever his friends are down or stressed

noya

loves to be painfully cringe

50% because its funny, 50% because it gets on his friends nerves

a yn protector !!!!

will use violence if that’s what it takes

the most annoyed one when yn has a new “crush”

yn: there’s this guy-

SHUT UP

so watch his reaction when she got a crush on oikawa <3

also has no background of being in the vball team

note: these are how i envisioned them to be when i started forming this smau. but along the way, there might be times their personalities may shift a little and/or expand more. just wanted you guys to take note of this in case i forget some of the details i wrote down here or make something along the way that might not be written here. idk, in my past smau i thought about this a lot so i wanted to say this lol, but rest assured the core of their personalities will be consistent throughout !

taglist: @lvtilzs @rarararararq @iamfontenlos @kurooswifeyy @secretsunsetsociety @kagsnumnine

[onlyrains]

HERE YOU ARE, A HERO — SJY

♬—now playing: niki - anaheim

“no. don't say anything.” you step backward.

“why?”

“you know the answer, jake,”

he moved closer. “then say it to my face, y/n.”

“don’t make me start.”

“did we even start anything?”

“you know that's not what i meant,” you take a deep breath.

it's always like this. this kind of conversation isn't new to you and jake, actually. the thing between you two started two years ago, when you were in the worst state of mind and let him guide you through it. if only you could say it out loud, you would declare to the world that he is indeed your savior. the one and only sim jake. 

it was all fun and games with him until you noticed there's something tucked away and trying to interfere with everything you've had. and no, you can’t accept it. you don’t deserve it.

he confesses to you a couple times and always wear heart on his sleeve. it’s not like you don’t like him, but it does burden you the most. 

as it is today, the main topic of your argument was about the scholarship he got at his dream university. he always talked about it since it was the same uni his parents went to. he must continue the legacy, he said. it warms your heart hear him sharing his dream with his parents—sometimes, it does hurts too, but you know it just the grudge you've been holding for years.

but then, when you said you have no interest to take a master degree nor move in with him, he suddenly plans to decline it. he's going to ignore his dream just because you.

you laughed silently. like, how could you?

“i don’t understand, y/n. i truly don’t.”

you gulp a lump in your throat. “me either, jake.”

if you had a chance to change a thing in the world right now, it would be your feelings towards him. not about your broken family, not even about him that made you almost lose your mind. you would've chosen jake over everything, to love him the loudest.

“we can work it out, y/n, please. let me—”

“we can't.” you bowed your head down, unable to make a single eye contact with him anymore. it doesn’t usually like this. you used to be stoic about whatever you faced with him. you used to know how to divert the topic to a lighter one then run away from the real thing.

you swear with all of your life, you want to leave him behind and start a new chapter with jake like he always wanted. but you haven't had the work done. you have yet to learn to escape from his grip and let yourself live the way you want. 

“i’m sorry.” you muttered.

you feel his body heat approaching you slowly. his shoulder shielding you from the sunset lights, making your toes try harder to grip the sand underneath. 

you wish you could choose to die in this moment with him, with the orange hue illuminating half of his face, with the urge to kiss him goodbye.

“you're everything to me, jakey.”

“stop calling me that if it means nothing to you.”

“you mean the world.” he tilted your chin to look up at him.

“you always wanted to watch the sunset at this beach, didn't you?”

you nod twice. “yes.” with you. 

“i always try to grant your wishes, right?”

you nod.

“i always treat you right, don’t i?”

you nod.

“so when things started to go wrong? i'd do anything for you, y/n.”

“there. exactly right there. i remember you told me you'd do anything, you'd kill for me. that was when it all went wrong.”

he was startled. “are you kidding me?”

“jake, i’m not done with myself,”

“i can be a company like i always do. we can stay like this.”

you groan out of frustration. “you don’t understand.”

he brought his face closer. “i don’t, so tell me.” he whispered with chattering teeth. eyes glued on your lips.

your breath hitched when he brushed his lips on your chapped one. 

you let him. you surely, gladly, let him. in fact, he is the only person you allowed to cross your boundaries. 

his touch does move your body, but not necessarily with something within you. sometimes all you want to do is hit your head on the nearest wall for being such an ungrateful idiot, while it is not like something you could easily control too.

a few seconds passed, he finally captured your lips perfectly in his. he kissed you slow, cupped your cheeks and tried pouring out all his feelings into it. 

you return it with a steady tempo as your thumbs rubbed his neck lovingly. he really is your lifesaver, your everything. you couldn’t imagine these past year without him beside you. but it would be even more unimaginable if he stayed with you like this. wasting himself for a broken soul like you. 

you don’t know when you will heal. you don’t even know if this can be healed, or do you even want it to be healed? you don’t know. but it's clear, he deserves everything and you don’t deserve him.

the wound your father left, the hole that person made in you, are the two most uncertain things in your life and you wouldn’t let jake go through the same thing just because he’s with you.

so, if a goodbye kiss was a real thing, that is what you were trying to do. because all you have with him is basically an endless loop and one of you really needs to stop it and that person should be you.

after a moment of heaven, he pulls away breathlessly. you grip the hem of his shirt and glanced at the polaroid of him smiling you took previously. you may keep that one.

you stare into his sparkly eyes. if only he knew what's inside your mind, it would be so easy. so you decide to return to the main topic that was previously forgotten, “i'll think about moving,” —by lying.

he beams. “god, are you serious?”

“but don’t expect too much,” you smile bitterly. 

he shook his head. “no, thank you.” he said as he lifted you up and hugged you tightly.

you ruffled his hair. “you have to take it no matter what my decision is. don’t me mind me, puppy.”

“nonsense. i’ll always consider you in everything.”

well, he is definitely going to hate you. 

a/n: just thinking about something new and here it is… hope you like it… bc im not sure either…

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop singing?

okay so a couple months back i (a uni student) moved out of my old apartment and back in with my parents while i try to find a new one. the only issue is, since i first moved away, my parents had moved into a smaller house than they had when me and my siblings were growing up. they now have their bedroom and my dad's study, but no additional bed or guest rooms. for this reason, i have been sleeping on their living room couch.

my mom also doesn't have a room of her own, so her laptop is also in the living room, as is mine. so basically the living room is our shared domain for the time we spend at home. i have class and friends to spend time with, so i'm away relatively frequently (though i'm on winter break now of course), while my mom is retired and is at home basically 95% of the time year-round.

me and my mom both listen to music a lot and our tastes do not overlap basically at all. i listen mostly to indie, folk, rock, the kind of stuff white queer kids love, while my mom's music is almost entirely soulful christian pop about big j and stuff.

up until recently, my mom didn't wear headphones. she'd play music directly from her laptop speakers. this obviously bothered me somewhat, but i hadn't said anything about it. recently (i.e. a couple weeks ago) i asked her if she'd consider starting to wear headphones, which she has for the most part, though sometimes she forgets. i just kinda let her do whatever if she does, i haven't mentioned it again since.

so that's the first time i asked my mom to be quieter, and i don't think i'm an asshole for that. my worry is about the second time. you see, over the last week, she's taken to singing along to her tunes. maybe she did that before and i just didn't notice over the actual song itself? anyway, i can definitely hear it now.

and of course it's not the best musical performance, it's a lady with little singing experience belting along to her favourite songs, but it's not really about the quality of the singing. i don't like the music she likes and would prefer not to listen to it, is all.

today, whilst she was singing, i gently asked her: "could you stop singing?" i didn't mean forever, just in that moment. i really tried to say it in a nice way, and i don't think i sounded particularly rude? it should be noted, though, that my parents do seem to think of me as some kind of sensitive sally intent on criticizing every little thing they do. that feeling does kind of go both ways, but i admit sometimes i can be harsh on my mom, because she can be overbearing and a bit neurotic, and i don't really get to have the space i wish i could, especially not now when i'm living with them.

anyway, so i ask: "could you stop singing?" and my mom says something like "okay- well, i would prefer not to." the way she said it really made it sound like i had hurt her feelings. so i said, "okay. that's alright. you can sing." she stopped singing and has been sort of running around for the last 10 minutes or so restlessly doing random things.

my parents are that kind of people who are really really deep in "politeness" and genuinely baffle me since i'm autistic (like, a couple of days ago we had some leftover cake, and my dad straight up forced me to take half of what was left over even though i said i didn't want it. i still don't really know why?) so i'm sure even though i said "okay, nevermind then," my mom didn't believe me.

while she was running around doing random things, i told her, "sorry if i hurt your feelings." and she said, "oh, it's nothing." i genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong here. i feel like, on the one hand, this is a space we have to share, and i should have the right to ask her not to make noise (i always wear headphones and never sing along to music or vc with friends when my parents are around), but on the other hand, it's her house, and she should have the right to sing in it, right? i don't know.

TL;DR: i asked my mom to stop singing in the only space for our computers in the house and i'm pretty sure it upset her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[dykephan]

my thoughts re: how did dan and phil kiss in october and still not start dating until december? from @omatone-dnp's post here :)

i'm sorry in advance for how much forbidden material i'm bringing up here, i feel bad about it which is why i'm putting it under the cut so i can delete this if i want to

so obviously we know they talked online & on skype for months before they decided to meet up in person, and they were heavyyy on the flirting. but we also know that these online spaces were the only places dan and phil were able to be 100% openly queer, so it's natural that they both put on a persona to some extent. this was the time for them to explore who they were & who they wanted to be. dan says he assumed phil would be this super confident smooth guy but then he was awkward and dorky irl, and it was kind of the reverse for phil about dan.

phil might have felt a lot of pressure to be a good example considering he was older, he was someone dan liked on youtube, and phil was one of, if not the first, gay man dan had met. but phil didn't have much romantic experience (...his heart had never done the flippy over thing..............) so i can imagine he felt even more scared of screwing things up. we know he was super nervous the day they met and that he didn't make the first move. i think he wanted to leave that to dan because 1. he didn't know if dan actually liked him or if he was just confused, and 2. he wanted to go at dan's pace for the reasons i mentioned above. we also know that phil had a hard time verbalizing his emotions / understanding them, so he might have wanted to go slower on the romance front too, so he could have time to process everything. he talked quite a bit about how he didn't know where he wanted to go in his life, feeling lost without being in school anymore, and that his family was pressuring him to sort his life out. that's a lot to deal with all at once and adding a serious relationship on top of that can be hard.

for dan, i think the early days were more about finding inner confidence in himself than they were about purposely forming a long term relationship. phil is the one who encouraged dan to make youtube videos, which he'd dreamed about but never thought he would be good enough. phil made him feel safer than he'd felt since he was a tiny child. he introduced him to other queer people and then to his family, who welcomed dan with love (though we don't know how much they actually knew at the time). it was more than just romantic!! it was something dan really needed! :(

at this time, both of them were constantly talking about how they're trying to figure out what to do with their lives, with dan being in his gap year and phil being fresh out of college. it was a transitional period for both of them in very different ways. they weren't even sure if they were going to meet irl, they kept going back and forth about the train tickets for a few months before dan finally bought one. i think as soon as he bought it, he decided he was going to shoot his shot and worry about everything else later.

also, dan was in a relationship with his girlfriend for 3 years, and while we don't know when or how they broke up, he has some tweets indicating that they were still together in 2009 when he began talking to phil online, or at least that dan was still conflicted about the breakup. let me clarify that i'm not saying dan cheated, none of us have any idea what happened and it seems more like their relationship came to a natural conclusion when she moved away for uni, along with all of dan's irl friends which he talked about frequently. i'm more so bringing this up because it marks a shift in how dan talked about love and relationships.

for example, all of these tweets happened in october 2009, right before he met up with phil:

but fast forward to THAT week in december and dan has a completely different perspective on love:

this is the main reason why december makes so much more sense to me as their anniversary. october was about taking a leap of faith even though both of them were afraid of getting it wrong. november was about testing the waters and figuring out how they could logistically make things work, while they were building their bond. december was about finally letting go of all those fears in the pursuit of a happier future for both of them ;-;

[letters-by-tulip]

Love of your life: Jily

based on 21 by Gracie Abrams

wc: 721

I missed your 21st birthday, I've been up at home

Almost tried to call you, don't know if I should

Hate to picture you half-drunk happy

Hate to think you went out without me

Lily was sitting on the kitchen floor staring at her phone that lied at her feet. The clock on the oven read 11:37 p.m. She has watched the numbers change for the past hour. With a sigh she closed her eyes. The 27th of march should be a day like any other: waking up, going to class, chatting with Mary, working her shift at the small secondhand-shop “The Valkyries”, coming home, making dinner and going to bed. But for the past 5 years the 27th of march has been so much more. James birthday was always a big occasion, as sunshine personified many people knew him and wanted to celebrate. Lily imagined that right know he was probably laughing, trying to drunkenly play darts with Sirius in some dingy bar. The entire day she has been debating if she should call. It would probably be weird to call your ex after 7 months to congratulate him on his birthday. She wonders if he wants her to.

I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you, I would

Thought you'd see it comin', but you never could

I still haven't heard from your family

But you said your mom always loved me

After everything went up in flames at the start of last semester they haven't really talked. Remus has told her he is doing better as of late after she begged him to tell her how he actually is. Lily knows she should be happy to hear that but she can't shake the uneasy feeling. She wonders if James blames her the way she blames herself. If she could just love him the way he loved her. He could never understand her. When she closes her eyes she still sees his face when she told him they should break up. His open mouth, his glossy eyes. Him begging to give them another chance. How they have overcome so many obstacles already. She feels sorry for his parents. They were always kinder than her own. Since the break up she hasn't heard from them. She hopes they're well.

I see the look in your eye and I'm bitin' my tongue

You'll be the love of my life when I was young

When the night is over

Don't call me up, I'm already under

I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again

I'll be the love of your life inside your head

Breaking up with James was one of the hardest things she has ever done. Staying would have been so easy. The perfect guy to marry. Her uni girl friends always told her how she hit the jackpot with a boyfriend like James. Sweet, kind James who is so in love with her. Her prince charming, the man of her childhood daydreams. On days like these when she feels alone at night she misses him and his arms who would hold her close. Then she remembers that she felt even more alone there. He always looked at her with so much love in his eyes but was he ever seeing her for who she was? The Lily she is today? It was like she looked in the mirror and suddenly saw someone completely different than the person James saw. He was so in love with 13-year-old Lily that he didn't realize that she didn't exist anymore and he was living with a stranger.

Just because you're hurtin' doesn't mean I'm not

If it doesn't go away by the time I turn thirty

I made a mistake and I'll tell you I'm sorry

Remus told her that Sirius was furious. How could she betray James? How could she hurt him so much? As if she didn’t cry for a week and had to call out from work because she got a migraine. It still hurts to think about them and she wonders in the darkness of her room if she made a mistake. Mary told her it would get better but what if it doesn't? What if she’s still here on her kitchen floor in nine years? Will she call him and tell him that she's sorry?

[daouoffroads]

deep night คืนนี้แด่เรา novel

ทุกอย่างเป็นเพราะเวลา เวลาที่ทำให้ชีวิตเขาก้าวเดินไปข้างหน้าได้ในทุกวัน เช่นเดียวกันกับที่เขาจะเป็นเข็มทิศ เข็มทิศที่ช่วยนำทางเวลาให้ก้าวเดินไปข้างหน้าด้วยกันอ���่างมั่นคง ไม่ใช่แค่เวลาฝ่ายเดียวที่รอเจอเขา เข็มทิศเองก็รอที่จะได้เจอกับเวลาอยู่เหมือนกัน

(everything is because of time. time made his life move forward every day. just as he would be a compass. a compass that helps guide time and move forward together steadily. it's not just wela that is waiting to meet him. khemthid is also waiting to meet wela.)

not doing a full novel break down lol the series actually did a pretty great job in adapting it. overall a decent $13 spent on meb.

warning: khemwela centered 😌🩷

⭐ khemthid ⭐

- name meaning: compass ; direction

- 4th year business management; wants to do a master's abroad

- when his parents divorced he choose to live with freya

- he is RICH rich (his dad's family is elite) but isn't arrogant about it

- popular with juniors and seniors but always rejects them

- has been friends with japan since their first year of uni but japan has never been to khem's house (since japan is a freya simp)

- loves sweets and hates bitter things ; has a soft voice (to all the shogun haters, 🖕🏻)

- doesn't want to be involved with deep night, wanting to move abroad to escape it. he isn't proud of the club but he loves his mom and doesn't want others looking down on her (he also admires the hosts' hard work)

- his auntie soinang is the older sister of his dad and she hates freya and the club and wants khem to move back to their house but he always refuses

- soinang says that the money made by the club (and freya) is "dirty" and khem snaps back with "that dirty money raised me well." 😌

- has an incredibly vivid imagination 🫠

- can't be fake with people and often questions why anyone would be a host

- employees can't drive to or from work so freya hires a van to pickup/drop-off khem which japan thinks is hilarious bc it makes him seem like a kindergartener, he even calls him nong khemthid

- japan also calls him a "love crazed bastard"

- basically becomes an unpaid part-time employee at nong wela's kitchen

- freya initially wanted khem to be "normal" and marry a woman

⭐ wela ⭐

- name meaning: time (in the drama he's also called กาลเวลา kanwela with can likely coming from 'eternity')

- 4th year business management; #1 in his class

- his parents named him wela (time) because he came into their life at the right time

- his dad passed away when he was in elementary school and left the family millions of baht in debt

- became a host to make money so his mom could have a more comfortable life

- the other hosts/employees dote on him

- he is the "rise and grind" type, doesn't let his time pass in vain and also doesn't like to waste the time others; he doesn't give false hopes and doesn't like to go out/hang around wasting time

- has never once broken the golden rules in the years he's been a host at deep night

- his golden rules are actually: what happens in the club stays in the club -- he doesn't sleep or go home with customers. (plus his "whatever i do, i must get paid")

- carries a keychain with an hourglass on it (matching his name)

- charming points: eyes, smile, gentleness (exceptional casting choice with first 😌)

- he is weak/allergic to vodka

- he is a good cook, learning from his mom as she runs 'nong wela's kitchen' 🩷

🩷✨ khemwela ✨🩷

- khem is slightly older than wela

- have been in basically the same classes since their first year of uni

- khem at first sees wela as an unfriendly nerd with thick glasses (เด็ก เนิร์ด my beloved)

- khem only started messing with wela bc japan low-key idolized him and was interested in being friends with him. this made khem jealous and he started taking more notice of wela, teasing him often

"khemtid didn't know why he was acting like this when he normally didn't. [...] maybe it was because japan liked to talk about wela often, admiring him and wanting to be friends with him. khem realized he was jealous."

- khem and wela bump into each other during a meeting with their teacher and seeing wela up close, khem notices how good looking wela is (glasses rizz 😌) and finds his heart being stirred

"khemthid realized that falling in love was extremely easy."

- different from the series, when khem is surprised to see wela at the club, wela is also surprised to see khem

- before the two get close, khem wants nothing more than for wela to notice him

"his heart, which had already fallen in love, hoped wela would greet him back."

- there's a moment where wela rubs pain relief cream on khem's shoulders when they are on a work break

- the night wela gets super drunk, he vomits on khem lol the shower scene is a series only addition, in the novel they just kissed. after, khem says he wants their first kiss to be better (since wela was drunk)

- the morning after, freya yells to khem that she forgot a necklace and that's how wela founds out they are mother and son

- they are a yucky disgusting pda couple :(

- khem confesses to wela while wela is teaching him some basic strap work

"why does the person i love have to like playing with these things?"

"who? you mean khun freya?"

"her too, but i mean you."

(wela kisses khem first)

- the khemwela date night was actually incredibly romantic. khem took wela out and about in bangkok. charoen krung area for famous oysters and nam tao thong (an herbal drink). they have bua loi and then go see the giant swing, wat saket, and saphan put (night market). while there, khem takes wela to the pak khlong talat (flower market) and wela picks out a bouquet of flowers for his mom. they get ice cream before khem takes them to unfinished property owned by freya. there's no fire hazard candle scene lol they just go up to the top floor of the building and look out at the city view

- wela is deeply touched as he's never had time to go out-- whether to the mall or a different province. apart from work, he only has time for studying and helping his mom in the restaurant

- khem wants to be someone who can lighten wela's burdens

- their first time similar to the series. it was wela's idea to blindfold khem (with his shirt) but his hands weren't tied. /also i rather liked the versatile ambiguity of the scene in the series but if anyone wants to know, wela "bottomed from the top" wink wonk

- the rooftop scene was also a series only (in the novel it was in wela's room but... more unhinged dhshsh)

- they have a lot of really good communication moments

"i want to graduate quickly. mom will get some rest and i'll take care of her myself."

"i believe you can do it. as for you, i'll take care of you myself, okay?"

"i'll take care of you too."

he loves the relationship between himself and his khemthid more every day, he is glad that he was willing to open his heart to this fellow faculty member. khemthid is a warm and caring man who cares for the people around him. even though there are times he does things without thinking, he accepts criticism and is willing to apologize.

- khem took wela to his grandmother's house (freya's old home). the pool scene didn't happen lol it was out in the open

⭐ japan / seiji / ken ⭐

japan

- from a middle class family

- has a younger sibling studying architecture at uni (1st year)

- he sees wela as an angel

- innocent type, never dated before

- he's the only one that calls seiji p'saen

"secretly he was glad p'ken stayed away, but if his p'saen was going to be this depressed, he'd allow p'ken to come back."

seiji

- saen ; seiji is his stage name

- wants to be #1 so bad he thought khem was gonna be a host and take his #2 position away (so he thought about just quitting lol)

- when japan confessed to him, it really stirred his heart as he'd closed himself off from love as no one treated him nicely or with sincerity

- being with japan relaxes him, he doesn't have to worry about things and he finds he can smile more and be real

- calls himself 'phi' with japan

ken

- he's a magician 😀 (no he really performs magic tricks for customers)

- he's good at word play

- ken's outting of khemwela is worse. seiji repeatedly and specifically tells him not to do it but he does it anyway and then he bullies wela a lot afterwards 🔪 causing seiji to be immensely disappointed in him

(tbh i wasn't going to add anything about their three person situationship bc that anon i got but y'all can have this snippet as a treat 🩷)

"true love is making the person we love one hundred percent happy, right?" japan turned to look at seiji's face. "p'saen," he pursed his lips, stopping to think a little, and then asked the other person, "do you really love p'ken?"

seiji felt his face numb. he didn't dare answer japan's question. he just stood there, afraid that if he spoke the truth it would make someone sad. because he has chosen to be with his nong. if he admitted that he loved anyone else it would not be a good thing.

"then for p'saen's happiness. i think…"

"japan."

seiji frowned and stared at his boyfriend's face with his heart sinking. he was so afraid that the words he didn't want to hear would come out of his mouth. he reached out and grabbed japan's hand and held it in his, eyes begging the other person not to say it. because if that were the case, he probably wouldn't be able to stand it either.

seiji truly loved japan. was japan dating him out of pity or was he just being nice?

please japan, please.

ken himself was not at all comfortable with japan's idea. he was so afraid that japan would give up to get out of his way. if that's the case, this matter will never end. was ken confident that seiji would never date him even if they felt the same way? not at all. no way.

⭐ great / james ⭐

- just as underdeveloped as they are in the series 👍🏻

⭐ freya / meiji ⭐

- the series fleshed them out immensely

- staff/hosts call freya: khun freya, khun frey, p'frey, p'ya

- freya has been dealing with soi's bullshit since before khem was born (but it got worse after) as she looked down on freya for being a dancer

- freya worked hard for ten years before divorcing her husband

[ateez-himari]

Hi bb!!!!I hope you're doing greattt I missed youu, hope uni's treating you good lol(I was supposed to start last month and now there's a war in my country but it's whatever I just hope I stay alive and healthy) anywayssss I wanted to ask some more questions related to hima's character😙

Forst up:is there a specific voice claim for hima cause I feel like belle from kiof fits her voice claim cause she's the most amazing vocalist I've ever seen

Second:what has hima gotten for mingi on tgeir anniversaries or his birthdays(I feel like she's the less money more meaningful type)

Third:who does she fight with the least I imagine it to be either sangie or hwa

Fourth:can you by any chance provide some kore background on the himajoong fight you mentioned, in which she didn't inform the members about her injury

Fifth:I love you hehe🤭

Take care bb mwahh💞💞

Hi my sweet Mina, I missed you too!! 🥰 I'm doing okay, a little tired (I have iron deficiency so I get tired very easily 😭) but midterms are slowing down for now! I hope you stay safe sweets! Be very very careful please ❤️I hope my content can help keep your mind off of it at least a bit

• There's no specific voice claim for her since I've never thought about it, but for singing; Suhyun (AKMU), rapping; Harvey (XG), speaking; Natty (Kiss of Life...her voice is so unique and sweet). Hanzo has I.M's (MONSTA X) voice

• From the time they've been together; 2022 Birthday; She created a playlist containing songs that holds deep meaning to both of them as well as ones that simply remind her of their relationship, the code to which she painted onto headphones 2023 Anniversary; There's a picture of them that he always looks at so she ink painted a shadowy-wispy version onto a scroll canvas which is now hanging in his studio right above his monitors so he can always see it 2023 Birthday; She learned metal working in order to make a ring (since he rarely goes without one) in which she incrusted a peridot - his birth stone 2024 Anniversary; They both enjoy spaces away from people so she rented out a flower garden and set up a picnic on a bridge overlooking a small pond since he asked her out on a bridge where she gifted him personalized art supplies as he customizing more items (by personalized I mean she hand painted the bamboo handle of each one with things he mentioned finding pretty - ex. certain flowers) 2024 Birthday; She bought bracelet that reminded her of him due to the softly shining silver, the comforting weight to ease his anxiety, each link being so closely intertwined like his overwhelming love and the details in them being almost like the fact that you need to look deeply into Mingi to see who he really is exactly

• She's had small disagreements with everyone except Yeosang since they're both just soft babies with each other 🥺She bickers the most with Wooyoung but it's always just friendly banter, she actually hasn't fought with anyone (except some relationships issues with Mingi) since the intense Hongjoong fight

• After seeing her go into cardiac arrest right in front of his eyes, Hongjoong was so scared that he didn’t know how to deal with it, he simply bottled it up until after the concert. The fact that she was so nonchalant when they got back to the hotel, asking what everyone wanted for dinner was the final straw, he snapped because it reminded him that she was almost taken from them. There was also a lot of guilt involved since he was the one who gave the green light for her to perform, which was building up since Kingdom as he suggested she do the final stunt instead of San, which is how she broke her ribs

Hima never hid any injuries but has a tendency to downplay them a lot, which means that she did not tell anyone whenever the pain from the fractures bothered her and just passed it off as something normal for intense choreography. This worried Hongjoong so much because he feels very protective over her well being, always trying to protect her from every single chance of physical harm, checking in on her mental health often (although less nowadays since she's doing much better) so these intense emotions eventually came out as rage, but not against her, against himself for "not being a good enough leader" that his maknae nearly died

It truly stemmed from an innocent question about dinner but it was enough to trigger the day's events in his mind and he started off with; "Food ? Is that really what you're worried about right now ? Sure, let's all ignore the fact that YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD IN MY ARMS FOR 3 MINUTES"

• KWKFWLIEF I love you too!! 😳💕

Again my sweet, please take good care of yourself and your health 💕MWWAH 😘

[suckeddry]

You wrote that thin blood/beckett ask from that other anon very well. Is it just a one shot or is there a chance we get aa part 2?

City of hundred towers (Part 2 of Picking up strays) Thinblood!GN!Reader x Beckett It has been a few days since you threw away your old life and traveled with the anthropologist to the city of Prague. Prague was different from what you were used. The city was shredded with a mysterious atmosphere. The people, although cold and unfriendly at first sight, had certain cynical humor to them. They never seem to take any threat too seriously. Beckett, as you now know, traveled to this city to find a certain artifact he was after for a very long time. He usually worked alone, so you had time to explore the town on your own. He was right in one thing for sure, Prague was much kinder towards thin-bloods than your previous city. It was one of the calmer nights when you and Beckett actually sat down and talked. He was different from other kindred you have come to know. He was intelligent but he wasn't interested in politics or scheming. He didn't take himself too seriously and most important of all he never made you feel less just because of your clan. “So? How are you liking Prague?” He gave you one of his suave smiles that you came to enjoy. “I feel like it suits you better. Not to worry about your unlife every day.” He looked from the papers he was reading. You had to admit to him, it was better. “Good. I am glad.” He smiled softly, yet there was a hint of something else to it. A silence spread between the two of you. “I talked to the Prince. And they will be more than happy to accept you in Prague after I depart.” You knew that he wasn't going to stay in Prague long but the idea of him leaving you here made you upset. You didn't want to tell him that, of course. Yet the sense of dread pooling in your stomach was visible even to the Anthropologist. “Something wrong, my dear?” He furrowed his brows, looking now a bit concerned by the frown forming on your lips. At first you shook your head, not wanting to admit it to him. “Please, my dear, I can tell.” He sighed. When you started, you noticed your voice shaking. God how pathetic you felt. But Beckett seemed delighted by what you tried to explain to him. “If that is the case…” He hummed and you noticed a grin tugging on his lips. “My newly found information leads me to Barcelona. And I am in need of an assistant.”

AN: Hello! I am so sorry for inactivity. I just started a uni, so I was bit busy. I hope you like this 2 part.

[the---hermit]

some of my favourite books of 2023

I decided to put together a list of some of my favourite books of 2023. I'll write a couple of lines for each one, and leave the link to my full review as usual in case you want to read a bit more of my thoughts. The list is in no particular order, and I did not include any rereads I did during the year.

Gideon The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir and the locked tomb series

I finally read this series and absolutely fell in love with it. Gtn was surely my favourite out of the three. I had an amazing reading experience. I didn't know what to expect and I was pleasently surprised by the very funny narration. It got into my favourites right away, and I cannot wait to reread it this year. (it's too complicated for me to describe the chaos that this series is so all you get is my general feels)

My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness by Kabi Nagata

This is a manga about the author's personal experience dealing with her sexuality and depression. It was an incredible read, I was not expecting to get as emotional as I did. It was a stunning book that felt incredibly honest, and I am so glad I read it because it had a huge emotional impact on me.

The Priory Of The Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

I think this is the book with which I had the best reading experience this year. I remember being intimidated firstly by the size of this brick of a book and then at the very beginning by the world I knew nothing about, but I got into the story so quickly. I remeber struggling putting the book down both in the evening and in the mornings, to the point where I had to run to my bus stop to commute to uni, because I spent too much time reading this novel. I adored it, it made me fall in love again with epic fantasy. I also think this could be a great starting point to the genre for people who don't read much fantasy.

A Psalm For The Wild Built by Becky Chambers

This book went straight to be pile of my annual rereads. It was such a comforting read I feel at peace just thinking about it. This is the core of falling love with life again by focusing on the small things, and I am so grateful for this book. I have yet to pick up the sequel but even on its own this is a book you need to read.

Il Satiro Scientifico: Riprodursi Male curated by Barbascura X

This is a collection of short non fiction about reproduction exposed in a lighter tone with the goal of making science more approachable for a larger audience. It was amazing. It made me feel so motivated to pick up more non fiction that is not academia-related. I learned so much, it was a great note to end the year on.

honorable mentions:

The Sandman vol.11 - Endless Nights by Neil Gaiman in particular the short story about Dream. I have been thinking about that story non stop since I read it. It made me feel so emtional over a detail, I loved it. It's one of my favourite Neil Gaiman's ideas.

Nimona by ND Stevenson - I am one of those people who found out about this graphic novel after the movie came out and I loved it. I am still to this day making jokes related to this with my brother, it was one of my favourite graphic novels of the year.

The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang - I decided to include this book mostly because I had a great reading experience with it. I was at the seaside, and I had the chance to fully immerse myself into this novel and overall had an amzing time with it.

Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White - I have been thinking about this book so much ever since I read it. From now on if someone asks me a ya rec this is the book they will get. It was an amzing mix of dystopia and horror, and the themes of religious trauma and queer rage were used amazingly. It actually left me wanting to read more about queer rage.

De Profundis by Oscar Wilde - yet another book I keep thinking about. And the more I think about this book the more I fall in love with it, it might even be my favourite Wilde I have read to this point. It was not a light read, it was very emotional but I am so glad I finally picked it up.

[rihabe]

hello! ♥

hiiii everyoneeee i am not new, this is carly, (bejoomi/benayoung) back with that new muse i was talking about when i dropped ahyoung, may she rest in piece. i believe riha is the girl muse that has Spoken To Me the most of any girl i've ever had, so i have high hopes of her sticking around and also breathing some much needed new life into my time rping! third time for a third muse is the charm right 😭

here is miss riha's about page that has everything you could hope to know about her! tbh i think some things have changed since i made it so i will be...reviewing it and updating it shortly. i'll give some info about her and some plot ideas under the cut as well, so defer to this for now! please like this if you'd like to plot w riha ♥ tyty i am excited!

ABOUT

riha was born in seoul, '00 liner, softest scorpio you will ever meet

she has an older brother and younger sister. her mom started having kids quite young. her dream was to become a musician but she had to give it up to be a Mom (and also a waitress, get that money etc etc)

riha's dad is a pro football (soccer) player, he was up and coming when she was born but is quite popular now

her family was actually normal for the most part [gasp] dad was a bit absent because he was more interested in his career but he wasn't a bad guy

riha's maternal grandparents took care of the kids a lot but grandma passed away when riha was quite young and didn't rly understand what was going on

dad put all the kids into Active Things as early as he could and mom fell in love with a Sports Guy so she was all for it too

riha got put in ballet but her brother was in Rough Sports and riha was like no. i wanna do that. if i bite one of the girls in my dance class will it prove i'm tough enough for soccer

eventually the parentals relented and bitch was and is so indecisive she tried Everything

she liked soccer most but ended up playing tennis, volleyball, and swimming most bc #misogyny

she was very friendly growing up, did quite well in school, but wasn't Spectacular u know

she really came into her own in high school when she tried out for the volleyball team and got on and became absolutely obsessed w it

she got her First Real Boyfriend in her second year and they were like The Real Deal and way more mature and deep than your average high school rls

riha loved him but then she got a crush on a girl eventually and had a meltdown because it Hit Different u know. The Lesbianism....

it wasn't until her last year of hs that she finally told her bf and broke up with him she was actually so heartbroken over it she cried so much but she told him everything (and that she is a lesbian) and he was an angel and understanding but clearly devastated and that made it worse

so riha decided to be very mature and run away <3 to uni in california KJLDLKJJKLDG

she was like hi my parents this school's volleyball team is very good and well known and they have a good kinesiology program i think this would be a great opportunity for me (:

and they were like ok sweetie if that's what you want to do

so she did it

with the power of english classes and gossip girl on her side she loved it there. and she made it onto the volleyball team but also played beach volleyball. probably got a crush on her beach volleyball partner. gay ass

she spent a lot of time on social media to keep in touch w people back in sk but also got into Fandom Twitter and she's a hot mess so her account was also a mess. her interests are everywhere. but she also made friends everywhere!

( illness tw ) in her last year of uni her mom got cancer and riha almost dropped out to go home and support her but her mom insisted she finish her degree so she did

and once she graduated went home asap

( death tw ) her mom ended up passing away last year, her health deteriorated pretty quickly once riha got back to korea

after her mom died she had no idea what to do with her life because she still loved sports but didn't know how to make that her career and he could go back to school and become a physical therapist or a pe teacher or something blah blah blah

but it didn't take her long to decide that she actually wanted to achieve her mom's dream of being a musician to honor her

in the meantime tho she's a personal trainer at her local gym! and she might pick up some other jobs too we'll see.

she is pretty much a Music Newbie, she learned how to play guitar from her mom and she always loved music but was never a singer or anything

she decided to go down the kpop path because becoming an indie musician or whatever seemed way more overwhelming than becoming a trainee LMAO like "ok all i have to do is get signed to a company and they'll teach me everything right???"

she is still a sports girlie. catch her at the gym even when she's not working but also on the tennis courts and at the pool and probably in a volleyball league and

she got a dog AND a motorcycle after her mom died to cheer herself up LMAO but it helped! she loves miso (the dog) and the unnamed motorcycle because she cannot decide on a name for it even though it's been a year or something

PLOT IDEAS

her ex bf. will be very picky about this but would love to have the plot!!

in the same vein, the first girl she got a crush on that gave her a crisis. this is more open but still important

i haven't said exactly where she went to school in cali so anyone that went to uni there, they could've gone to the same uni!

people she's played sports with. tennis doubles partner, co-ed kickball team, person that is annoyed because she somehow always manages to beat them to the best lane in the pool, etc

people she's training at the gym??

she can physically fight people. she is a 4th degree taekwondo black belt so maybe she absolutely kicked a guy's ass for you one time or something

alternatively you're obsessed w her bc she has a motorcycle and could probably be a stunt double she is a badass tbh

alternatively she is obsessed with you because you're a cute girl but it probably only lasts for five minutes because she's wishy-washier than mr clean

maybe a guy that she also thinks is really cute and is really fond of to give her ANOTHER crisis because she's not 100% confident in her lesbianism. it be like that sometimes....will also be picky about this but it would be fun!

she loves clubbing and somehow always ends up taking care of some drunk girl in the bathroom so there's that

she's a casual gamer too! but she's also very competitive! so it's like, she'll play once a week but depending on the game she'll get super into it and intense about it and then be like that was fun (: afterward. so fellow gamers? she's not that good tbh

would love for her to get mansplained to at the gym or something. and she can just be like wow thanks (: actually you're wrong abt that one thing u said teehee

plots related to her puppy miso!

she also runs and stuff so running partners, ppl she always sees on her running route, etc

okay i'm sure you've had enough of me now. oh my god. ok. please plot w me i'd be happy to brainstorm anything 🫶

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

4 years, 40 facts about me loving napo... let's go 🏃🏻‍♀️

...or as @leonscape called it, 40 "Mopoleon" facts?! (picrew link)

the date of our "anniversary", June 19th, is one day after the date of the battle of Waterloo 💀

both our given names are of Italian origin

we're both leo zodiac signs

our birthdays are 8 days apart, in the same month

he's my first otome route ever played

i've only played his route once, in July 2019

i've never seen his dramatic ending

my first impression of him on a teaser tweet of ikevamp EN was that he looks like an asshole, and I didn't like his looks either...

my falling for him was utterly illogical as despite these thoughts I put him on my phone wallpaper a few days later (still before the release of ikevamp EN)

as of right now ao3 says he appears in 59 of my posted works: the total number of fics I have published with him is higher as a few of those are stand-alones in a multichapter fic (napoleon bday prompts 2019 +9, yumeweek 2020 +5, mini requests +4, headcanons +11 ) ...he appears in about 1/3 of all my fics!

we share a hobby of reading biographies! the official ikevamp character sheets state it as his hobby

our height difference is 18 cm

the @xxsycamore blog exists solely because of him, as well as my passion for writing - I started this blog because I wanted to express my love in some kind of creative way, as previously (and for the longest time) I thought my medium would be art instead of writing

despite that, my first ever posted fic is not with him but with Arthur!

I've always loved languages but he had influence over my choice of learning especially french in uni. It's hell but I don't regret it at all

I have a playlist with sleepy-themed songs for him 🥺

birds are my favorite animals (any kind) and he has a pet eagle!!

our mbti personality types are a so-called perfect match! infp + enfj

I don't like black-haired, blue-eyed men because of him, it was my type before him too! (not many such ikemens around but I have a handful of faves like that from other media)

as the fictional napoleon bonaparte is light years away from the historical figure, I thought I wouldn't be interested in learning about him - until I ended up reading multiple books on him, the thickest of which 680 pages... while I don't mix the two in my head, the napoleonic era history (+ russian empire history) is still pretty cool to know imo!

there's hardly any writer around here who hasn't received a napoleon request from me at least once... I'm so sorry...

it is implied in the game that napo has kissed boys (they were taking turns waking him up and they all know of his habit......) which gives me enough reason to headcanon him as bi....like me 🥺

I really suck at completing the bday creation challenges I host for him, as last year I did 0 prompts and the year before that 2....but in 2019 I did 10!

I love making bday gifts. I love birthdays. I don't have the exact number but last year a lot of characters received a bday fic from me but not napo 💀 partly because I was shadowbanned back then!

the only real tradition I have when it comes to his bday is to make homemade crepes since it's his favorite food! but my favorite part is eating them...

I still haven't watched the movie "Napoleon & Me"...

I don't have much napo merch, but I do have the Naplushieon doll which is plenty

I was still in highschool (11th grade) when I fell for him 🥺🥺🥺 it feels like ages ago

I love the song written for the ikevamp stage play and sung by his voice actor Nobunaga Shimazaki, "Lucida", so much you can even find it and play it on my blog... recently some kind soul uploaded the whole version on youtube (I've been waiting for so long....) and I haven't been the same since

my dream napo merch is the clothes hanger with his neck and face so that I can hang my silly little sundresses on him (I'm going to make it on my own actually, just watch)

after having so many random fic ideas for him that will never see the light of day, I accepted the facts at last and now I feel so much better and more chill

I'm currently working on fanart series where I try to post one tablet-drawn art of him every month... I have trouble keeping them simple as desired sometimes but I'm having lots of fun while learning (I still consider myself fairly new to drawing with my tablet)

once I wrote a death anniversary fic for napo!

the best napo song i've discovered so far is Wings by Su!YoON!

I don't know. anything. about his sequel. i just know the cgs. not that is hard to avoid spoilers LMAO

my most favorite napo cg is the 5th bday one (where they're in a field of roses) (it was on my phone's background for a very long time)

my most favorite napo card...that's a trick question but I think the one that is on the left banner in my blog (desktop view)

yes, yes I do want to go to Corsica one day what about it. I have a lot of other dream trip destinations too!

yes, I do love Napoleon cake (It's a russian recipe) (it was my bday cake in 2020)... but so do I love a whole lot of other cakes...!

Fact number 40 is that I love Napoleon a normal amount 😇 nono listen!! I do talk a lot about him, and here I tried compilating facts that are not too cheesy: believe it or not there are days I don't think about him, ok! I never pressure myself to get all the event bonus stories, or to always have a fic ready for him... in a world where im a worrywart about anything and everything, he's my safe place? my chill place? And if I begin to think about the gigantic mass of things surrounding him that are exactly aligning with what I love, with what comforts me, with what traits im looking for in a person, i'm going to get dizzy. So let's end this here with me saying, ily so much Napoleon 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 im such a nunuche sometimes but im your nunuche ‼️‼️

[lucy90712]

Hii, can you please write a Pedri imagine where yn is really stressed because of uni and Pedri has been feeling unloved so they end up fighting but in the end make up???

wc: 2300+

Being in my last year of university has been so much harder than I ever imagine it would have been. It has been constant studying and exams the entire year and now that the end is in sight it's only ramping up even more. The last week I've barely left my desk as I have some really important exams coming up which I need to do well on to get a good degree. Having to study so much has been tiring and I miss having a normal routine but I mostly miss spending time with my boyfriend Pedri. 

I have felt so awful because every day when Pedri gets home he comes to spend time with me and every time I brush him off and only see him again when I get into bed after he's already fallen asleep. Shutting him out is the wrong thing to do and I know that but I really need to concentrate and I know I'll never go back to studying if I start spending time with him. Not being able to talk to him about training or watch his matches has been difficult but I've stayed strong and have kept focused on studying no matter how boring it gets. 

Today has been the worst day as nothing has gone right I just haven't been able to take in any information and I've just been really frustrated with everything. All of this isn't helped by the fact that I barely slept last night as I was worrying about my first exam which is in just two days now. I have always been that person that gets overly anxious about exams even when they don't mean anything so when an exam is really important I'm just a constant ball of nerves. Just as I was actually getting into studying and starting to understand the content I heard the front door open and close meaning Pedri was home. I love Pedri so much but I was kind of hoping that he wouldn't come in to see me as I don't want to be distracted but of course a few seconds later he came in and stood in the doorway. To be kind I looked and and smiled at him before going back to making notes but as soon as I did I heard him sigh. 

"Is everything ok?" I asked while still writing 

"Not really no I've miss you you are always in here studying all day and I don't see you at all" he said 

"I'm sorry Pedri I wish I could spend more time with you but these exams are really important and I need to do well" I said 

"I know but I barely see you for a minute every day it's like you're not here" he said 

"I'm sorry why don't you come and sit with me so we can be together" I suggested 

That was all it took for him to get another chair to pull up next to mine which seemed to make him happier. Right away he tried asking me questions about what I was doing which is why I've wanted to be left alone as he just distracts me but I answered his questions anyway while trying to keep focused. He kept talking about everything that's happened in the last week which I wanted to listen to but I was trying to block him out as I noticed my mind drifting from studying and luckily he didn't seem to notice as I know it would upset him if I wasn't listening. We sat together for a while with him just talking before he started to put an arm around my waist which was fine until he tried to move me closer to him. When he did that I gently moved his arm off me and moved my chair back to its original position which was a bit further away from him. 

He left me alone for a while before moving closer again grabbing hold of my arm that wasn't writing to hold my hand and then rested his head on my shoulder. It was annoying but I let it happen until he started to press kisses to my neck and jaw which usually I love but today I just wanted to be left alone. I let him do it for a while before I realised that I hadn't written anything since he started kissing me. It pained me but I had to move away slightly which meant his lips detached from my neck and I took my hand back to turn the page on my textbook. As soon as I did that he got up and went to leave but he stopped in the doorway again to look back at me. 

"I would say I'll see you later but I know I won't see your for another few weeks" he said 

"Pedri wait I'm sorry it's just this is really important" I said feeling bad 

"I know it's important but so is our relationship y/n I'm starting to think you don't really care about me" he said 

"Don't be like this you know I care about you I'm just busy it's not like you spend loads of time with me either I mean you didn't exactly make an effort during the World Cup" I bit back 

"That was different I was playing in the biggest football maybe even sports tournament" he said 

"Just because you play football doesn't mean you are more important than me my exams are a big deal to me and you should be supportive because I always support everything you do even when it impacts me" I argued 

"I am so supportive of you don't even start this" he said 

"Then just leave that way I can't start anything" I said sarcastically 

"I was going to leave anyway" he replied while slamming the door 

As soon as the door shut my head hit the desk and tears started to fall down my cheeks at a rapid pace. I never wanted to argue with Pedri nor did I mean to push him away and make him feel like I don't care about him. The things I said were swirling around my head as I scolded myself for even thinking them let alone saying them out loud. I know Pedri is supportive of whatever I do and he tried his best to talk to me as much as possible during the World Cup but I just had to get back at him somehow as I know I'm in the wrong. His comment about not seeing me for another few weeks hit me hard as it made me realise that when I’ve been struggling to sleep or focus on studying it isn't because I'm worried about exams it's because I miss spending time with Pedri and having a break each day. 

After crying for a while I made myself stop and get back to studying for a bit because I know Pedri won't want to talk to me so I might as well make use of the time until he'll have calmed down. When I picked up my pen I tried to read through the textbook in front of my but all the words became jumbled and the tears started to leave my eyes yet again. I just didn't want to study anymore I wanted to make it up to Pedri as he's more important to me than some stupid exam. One bad grade won't kill me but losing Pedri might so I put away all of my things and left to go and find Pedri. 

Pedri's POV

The second I slammed the door I regretted it I don't know what came over me but I started a stupid unnecessary argument and now I've made the both of us upset. I feel awful as y/n has been working non stop studying for her exams which are coming up and I know they are really important to her which is why she's been working so hard but I had to go and make her feel bad about it. Everyday she has shut herself away and spent every waking minute looking at textbooks or materials online which has annoyed me as I barely see her at all every day but thinking about it more I realise that she wouldn't do that unless she had to as no one wants to spend their life that way. 

I'm such an awful boyfriend instead of just being there to support her and help her realise that she needs some time to relax I started an argument instead. She's probably so stressed already with her exams and I've probably made it 10x worse by making her think I'm mad at her when really I'm not I just miss her. I'm used to coming home from training and being greeted at the door and getting to snuggle with her in bed at the end of the day so not doing that has affected me more than I thought it would and I'm just aching to have her next to me again but now I've made her feel awful. The things that keeps going through my mind is what she said about the effort I made while away for the World Cup because she's right sure I was busy with matches and training but there is time I could've spent calling her but instead I went out with the team while she sat and waited to hear from me. 

After thinking for a while I couldn't just sit there anymore I had to go and apologise to y/n and try and make it up to her for being such an awful boyfriend. Before going to apologise I ordered her favourite desert so that I could give it to her to help her studying and also say sorry. Once the order went through I got up and went back to y/n's office but before I could open the door I heard sniffling from the other side of the door and then I heard her actually crying. As soon as I heard that I just stopped I couldn't open the door knowing that I was the one that made her cry. I've never made her cry before at least not from sadness and it really hurts to know that I'm the one that has made her so upset because I never want to hurt her but now I have and I feel awful. I didn't want to open the door and see her like that but I also wanted to stop her crying so I took a deep breath and opened the door. 

Your POV 

I have no idea how much time had passed but after crying into my textbook for a while I heard the door open which I knew would be Pedri so I didn't look up not wanting him to see me like this or to start arguing again. I was hoping he would just leave again if I didn't look up but he didn't instead he came over and put a hand on my back to rub it gently. His actions made me look up to see him standing next to me with a sorry look in his eyes which made me feel worse than I already did. Once I was looking at him he crouched down in front of me and wiped the tears from my face then leaving his hand to linger on my cheek for a second before putting it back by his side. 

We looked at each other for a few moments before I couldn't handle being apart from him any longer I just needed to be in his arms and to forget about everything that happened earlier so I threw my arms around him. He accepted my embrace straight away and lifted me up to bring me out of my office and to the bedroom where he sat down on the bed with me on his lap. Being back in his arms felt so good I've really missed our daily cuddles and just spending time with him. Even after being such an awful girlfriend for the last week Pedri still just moved on and started to take care of me even though I'm the one that should be trying to make it up to him. 

"I'm sorry" I said after a while of sitting in silence 

"It's ok I'm sorry too I shouldn't have started an argument" he apologised 

"No it's my fault I'm sorry I've shut you out this week I just really want to do well on these exams and to stop myself getting too stressed I have to study" I explained 

"It's ok love I understand you don't need to apologise I should be supporting you and trying to help not making you feel bad" he said 

"Can we both agree that we should've done things differently and move on I'll try and take more breaks to spend time with you and then we won't argue anymore" I suggested 

"Of course love I just want you to be happy and not so stressed so if you need to study don't worry about me as long as you make it up to me after exams are over I'll be fine" he joked 

"Oh I'll definitely make it up to you" I teased 

I regretted my teasing straight away because he tackled me into the bed and started pressing kisses all over my face and neck. He was teasing me now but I didn’t care it was just nice to be spending time with him again. In that moment I decided to spend at least some time with Pedri everyday so that we can talk like we always do or do what we are doing now anything to relax with him. 

[inkofamethyst]

March 3, 2024

It's so weird to already know what instrument I'm going to learn next (and also to have purposefully selected a time to learn it). Like, I didn't know I was going to want to teach myself the saxophone in high school, it just kind of happened (though these days I do lowkey wish I had gone for alto rather than tenor (will not make the same mistake with the bass, will prob go for a short scale)). Same with the uke--I was just bored one summer. But knowing that the bass is coming up (but that I'll be waiting over a year for it still (not a bad thing, as I'll be able to use this summer to learn more about my community at large)) makes me a bit antsy to just start playing. I'll be listening to music and will have to make a mental note of a cool baseline I'd like to learn (the "Life Will Change" bridge !!!!!!!!! (though I'll prob have to learn something like "Mask" from P5 before that if I want to play while singing (supposedly notoriously difficult on bass which is lovely)--slower, more repetitive)) but like, that's over a year away. I mean the wait gives me time to save and plan, sure, but I also just want to play something sometimes.

Speaking of planning, when I get to that fateful day next May of picking a bass (not sure if I want to go the cheap route and grab something used online or the Main Character route and have some hot guy in a guitar shop help me pick one out based on his expertise and then offer to give me lessons and then we fall in love (can you tell that Hadestown has pushed the dial right back over to R??) (though the guitar shop plan makes more sense for my first one (of one? of many? who knows) since I don't know any bassists and I don't know what I'm doing (yet))), I'm also going to have to decide whether I want to go for lessons. Honestly? I'm considering it. I know my whole deal is like "hur hur hur im a self taught multi-instrumentalist" (!!!! I'm a multi-instrumentalist !!!!!) but also if I can't find good videos on/am unsure about technique, might as well talk to a professional.

God I'm so excited to learn that instrument. Can you tell?

Speaking of saving, one thing about my savings goals notion page is that I wish it was more.. dynamic. In that, sometimes I save extra towards a goal one month, and it'd be nice if the suggested monthly savings amount went down to reflect the new minimum needed to reach that goal by the desired date. Or alternatively, change the end date based on the amount saved if the minimum payment stayed the same. I don't know how to code either of those, but they'd be a nice touch.

Though, kind of on a similar note, saving so aggressively in January and February has meant that, after typical spending habits, I've been left with basically nothing at the end of the month lol. Everything else taken into account, I've got ~$200 for random discretionary purchases monthly. That's been perfectly fine (aka just enough) but it also feels a little tight? Idk. I suppose I can rationalize it by the fact that it will keep me from overspending and will allow me to reach other goals quicker but it still feels like I'm livin paycheck to paycheck hehe. But this will only last as long as my ultra-aggressive saving strats do, so for about another year, then I start letting up (if all goes to plan).

Also, went ahead and did the per-day calculations because I've always heard that it's cheaper to make your own food than to buy it, and I am actually saving so much by making my own meals every day*. Like, so much. Now, at my uni, getting breakfast or lunch a la carte isn't terribly expensive, but it certainly can and likely would add up.

*Granted, I do benefit from the occasional free lunch or dinner.

Can you tell I'm rationalizing anxiety with over-strategizing? I truly do not make enough money to be so focused (rationalization: start good habits early). The moneydiaries subreddit has fried my brain I think.

Thinking about putting on some fake tattoos at the end of spring break. Partly because they make me immensely, unreasonably happy, partly because I'm curious if anyone would ask about them hehe. The last time I did a full sleeve and met up with some friends (years ago) they were a lil shook.

Today I'm thankful for.. a lazy weekend. And nighttime rain storms.